Tuesday, June 17, 2014


That's right, folks, I'm pregnant! *Squeeeeeal*

Needless to say (but I'll say it anyway), we are thrilled and terrified and just about every emotion in between. I mean, there is a baby growing in me right now! Whaaa?!

Let's go ahead and address the FAQs right up front:

  • When/how did you find out? I took a pregnancy test first thing in the morning on April 19th (the day before Easter). Trevor was in the loop, but I still stayed in the bathroom for the full three minutes (plus thirty more seconds of staring at the stick) before taking it back in the room to show Trev. Wide-eyed hugs and loads of giddy/shaky laughter ensued.
  • Was this planned? Yep! 
  • When's the due date? This is actually a tricky question. Using the "normal" method of calculation, the due date should be December 18th. However, at my last doctor's appointment at 11 weeks, we learned that the baby's measurements more accurately lined up with a 9-week-old fetus. That makes the new due date December 31st. We'll see if anything has changed at the next appointment. (Personally, I think the further from Christmas baby can come, the better!)
  • Are you going to find out the gender? Um, YES, as soon as humanly possible! I cannot for the LIFE of me understand not wanting (or more like NEEDING) to know. Maybe that's just me.
  • Are you hoping for a girl or boy? Because it's our first, I don't have a strong preference. Trevor, on the other hand, is dyyyyying for a boy. If we have a girl, my poor husband will be scared out of his mind. This leads him to insist that he KNOWS it is a boy... which sort of leads me to hope it's a girl.
  • Do you have names picked out? Not really. Trev and I have a hard time agreeing on names, so the list we do have is quite short, but nothing is definite.
In a nutshell, pregnancy is proving to be gloriously awkward. I find myself walking with my hands on my stomach, obsessively reading every book/article/website I see, and constantly praying God, protect my baby protect my baby protect my baby. Sometimes it feels completely unreal (surreal?), occasionally it feels like I've been pregnant forever, and other moments contain panicky is-this-real-life freak outs. So far I've experienced nausea, fatigue, serious hunger, loss of appetite, complete joy, and paralyzing fear. Bring on the second trimester energy!

Now let's talk about Trevor, because seriously, the man is a total catch. He makes ginger ale runs like nobody's business, and he actually put up with eating Taco Bell on a daily basis for weeks on end with no complaint (back when bean burritos were the only thing I could stomach--thank goodness that seems to be over!). Above all, though, I'm just so grateful to have a partner through all of this. It's been invaluable already (I tend to be paranoid and a bit of an over-analyzer, you know), and I can't imagine how I'd get through these next few months (and then years!) without him. This is especially true because I'm never sure where to draw the line when it comes to sharing (do you actually care that I could only eat bean burritos for weeks?), and I can count on Trevor to listen. Or, you know, pretend to listen, which is all I ask.

Speaking of sharing (and paranoia), I'm slightly terrified to post this. I have this fear before every appointment that we'll learn we lost the baby, or something will go horribly wrong. I'm also very concerned about being insensitive to those who have suffered that loss personally or are struggling with infertility. I do not want to add to that pain, and for that reason, I've debated including any pregnancy updates on the blog at all.

In the end, though, I decided to go ahead and write this post for a few reasons:
  1. I can't (and don't want to) pretend this isn't happening! This blog is the closest thing I have to a diary, and if I can't write about the pregnancy and baby here, I might as well delete the blog, right?
  2. If the unthinkable happens and we do lose the baby, I think I will want to write about it--eventually. I tend to process by writing, in case you haven't gathered that.
  3. Perhaps most importantly, those who will read this blog are likely people that are interested in my life, and therefore people that are interested in Baby Kirby. (If you're reading this and I don't know you, well, hi! Welcome to the rambling thoughts in my head.)
So there you have it! This post is full of tangents, which I will chalk up to pregnancy brain, and we can ignore the fact that all the previous posts are also full of tangents. Deal?